Navigating Grief
My Aunt passed away a couple of months ago and I had a dream recently that she was with me, and I asked her if I was dead. I felt panic and dread of the inevitable that I would soon die in the dream. She explained to me that I was not dead, but I was changing and releasing. This morning I woke up to a song repeating in my head that was played at her wake, “In My Soul” by Rod Stewart, which led me to write this article to share my personal lessons about the grieving process and teachings that I have picked up along the way on the Shamanic path.
Specialists often refer to the seven stages of grief: Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance.
After these seven stages, grief does not end in the way that I had perceived in the past. There is no magic shut-off button that says, “Your grieving period has ended, you can move on with life now.” It is not as cut and dry as this. Not even close.
In my spiritual practice, I attune my body, mind, and spirit to nature and natural cycles as much as possible. I began examining my internal cycles of grief and have learned that we as human beings are a part of nature. We have our own internal changes that take place, much like the seasons of nature, and cycles that exist within cycles. I found that I bounce back and forth between avoidance of pain, depression phases, emotional release, and acceptance.
Everyone experiences grief differently, as we are all here learning different lessons in what is needed for the growth of our souls.
Grief is commonly associated with death and loss of loved ones. Physical death is straightforward in certain aspects. That person is no longer on the physical plane but on the spiritual plane (this topic would be another article). While I can communicate and receive information from people who pass on, it does not make the grieving process easier, but different.
I have lost deep friendships and felt a deep sense of grief that lasted for years, sometimes decades. We have internal versions of people and the external version that exist. The internal versions that we have of other people can be transformed, updated, and/or released over time depending on the situation. Just as the external physical versions of us die, they take a different form after death. You may find that when someone dies, pain resurfaces from an experience or passing of someone else that took place years prior. Pain can be brought forth so that deeper healing can take place.
Although unpleasant, grief can help us gain access to parts of ourselves and deeper, buried wounds that we had moved on from. Just as the seasons change over time, Winter always circles back around again. Grief is not only a cycle that completes but a spiral that goes deeper and deeper over time. We travel around and around this internal spiral, each time accessing pieces of us that feel new and old simultaneously.
Have you ever broken up with a romantic partner, months or maybe years go by, and someone says, “You’re not over that yet?” This can leave us questioning the validity of our healing process and sometimes leave us cold, hardening our hearts. We can go into agreement with the judgments of others, turning off and shutting down the parts of us that are begging to express. I look at my parts as inner children looking for help, love, and compassion. I observe within myself that ultimately these aspects of me are seeking guidance and for someone to be present while I heal and looking to be shown the way and how to navigate. While the emotional avoidance parts can be a little more robotic, and do not wish to experience any more pain. The avoidance is not the villain in this story either, as it is a protection mechanism developed over time. When I explored this deeper, I found that the avoidant side is also providing love in trying to protect and preserve myself. To get both sides of myself working together again, I had to acknowledge that neither side of me was wrong, they just needed a little shifting and internal acceptance of what is. I learned that both sides are seeking love and protection, there just had to be a shift in my narrative for this to take place.
Grief does fade over time if processed. Being present with ourselves and these emotions without judgment is a necessary part of our healing journeys. Inner acceptance of each emotion that arises helps us heal on a deeper level and can assist with moving on. I have found that avoidance wounds and structures have propelled me to move forward before parts of me are truly ready, resulting in parts of me being left behind.
I have learned that slow is fast. If I sit and truly acknowledge all parts of myself, let the emotions come, and accept what is, I can move forward. I often need little reminders that I am not sitting with these parts just to get them out of the way, however, but to authentically love and experience self-care.
Grief is not an experience anyone wants to have but I am learning it is an essential part of growth and self-acceptance. Unfortunately, although I have tried, we cannot skip this step. If I do, the pain will arise again, taking a new shape and appearing in a new form for me to examine and work through little by little.
Ten years from now, this article will most likely be entirely different. Going deeper within, I will have experienced different cycles, learnings, lessons, and teachings by then, with gratitude and acceptance of where I am now.
As the song, “Go Easy On Me” by Adele now comes through, it serves as a reminder to grieve at your own pace and to be gentle with yourself in the process of transformation.